"I hate it when I sometimes have to squeeze my mind to remember your features papa, don't go away ..please .. 

I hate it when I have to run to ur empty perfume bottle as a reminder of ur smell, I was able to recall it at a glance before..
I hate it when I fetch for a video to listen once more to ur voice, it was the only voice I used to sleep at ..

I hate it that u left and I hadn't had enough ..
I hate it that I couldn't just freeze some of our very special moments together and turned those minutes into years .. 

I hate it when I envy my older brothers for having spent more years with u..
I hate it when I used to argue with everything u said, I just wish I had shut up n listened carefully, especially if I knew that ur company wont last for more than 16 short years..
I hate it when I have to rush to a diary n a pencil, instead of rushing 2 u..
I hate it that I have to go on with my life ..yet still cant submit 2 the fact that ur not sharing it with me..

I hate it when I miss walkin into ur footsteps or when mama blames me n starts a sentence with "woud u do that if ur dad was here?".. I just feel I want to tell her if he were here, my life would've been another 1, I wd've done everything differently not only that ..

I hate it when I try to envision u at certain situations n fail to capture what u'd have done ..

I just hate that my memory is growing old papa and some glimpses of u r flying away, what if I want to stop growing old without u?.. 

Please stay close father, that's enough space .. Don't go further .. that's just enough..
يا الله .."

These were the words of a friend of mine to her dad.. 

Im adding.. No matter what you did papa.. I forgive you.. no matter how you made me feel papa.. I wish you were here now.. No matter what has happened papa... I still miss you.. Still need you.. Wish you were here.. wish you were here.. 
If only you were here..